The art of Properly Dissing Someone: Do you know how to do it?

Face it, we all get into verbal world wars, and have to stake our intellectual and personal claim. In other words, at times, people “be trippin'” and you gotta tell it like it is.

And since I tell it like it is, I’m gonna list some ways you can defeat a colleague in a verbal argument.

How To Diss.

 

1)Speak above Their Intellectual Level

This is the best way to diss someone because essentially, when it comes down to the nitty gritty of the matter, what you’re really saying is “You stoopid.”

Examples:

Hello Kind Sir, the philanthropist of your X chromosome is a harlot from the ancient world.

Friend, your fellow colleagues are undoubtedly abnegating you because of your inability to transcend the understanding of fundamental phenomena and be anything but ostentatious about the strata of intellect you actually do not possess.

 

stupid

 

Remember though, that you can’t outwit someone who has a higher mental capacity than you. In other words, if you’re “stupid-er” than the person you are trying to diss, just skip to the next step.

 

2) Get Loud

Embarrassment is real. Regardless of who is right in the situation, or who is winning, the louder person gets all the “ooooooooo’s.”So, the person who just spoke about your weight being equivalent to a mammoth will be defeated if you just raise your voice and say “Yea, well, you’re ugly!!”

This isn’t nice, but of course, when are battles ever?

 bazinga gif

 

3) Yo Momma

This is by far, the most popular form of disses known. My theory is, everyone already knows the basic “yo momma so fat” jokes.

The trick to making a successful yo momma joke is to repeat your rival’s diss, but just add yo momma to the front of it:

Example:

“You’re stupid”

“Yo momma is stupid”

10 points for Griffindor!

yo momma2

If your rival’s diss is a “yo momma” joke, then well, you’re on your own.

4) Get ratchet.

If all else fails, and sometimes it does, you can just get rachet. Being rachet entails using all the black American vernacular you know and spewing them out. It’s like being ghetto, but not so racist sounding.

“I’m TOO grown for you basic h*es. ”

“Guuuuurllll, you ain’t real!”

“Uh uh, play. with. me.”

“Fix yo tracks before stepping to me”

These are all acceptable disses, however this tip is like the first: you cannot use these disses on someone who is better at it than you. Chances are if she’s wearing huge gold and purple earrings, with fake eyelashes and she looks threatening, she’s probably better at being rachet than you.

 

rachet gif

Hence, Don’t use the rachet path with her!

 

P.S, I do not advocate fighting. Walking away is a perfectly fine way to deal with these situations. Ensure that you know what you’re getting into.

#youmadbro

Leave a comment telling me how you deal with being dissed and tactics you use.

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How To Procrastinate: the guide to success

Ever completed an assignment long before it’s deadline, failed it, but passed the one you did the night before?

 

Be real, we’ve all done it: waited that night before to complete that 5 page complex research paper or poetry analysis.  Yeah… that.

Many people believe they work well under pressure, or at least are willing to admit that they’re too lazy to complete their assignments any time before the night before… when all creative juices flow. It is that precious night before that complex, authentic and poetic gold is created.

saw games

 

I’m just saying, if you’ve never procrastinated, you’ve never lived! The pure adrenalin knowing that the passing grade of this class depends on your success in the next few hours is equivalent to being the star character in a horror movie…. both end with you turning into a zombie ghost.

ghost gif

 

So, from my years of procrastination experience, here is some invaluable advice on how to successfully procrastinate and maintain that high level of work you do, you old chap.

First, Take a Nap. 

This is the most important step. You need to be well rested before completing any daunting body of work, I mean, in biology and health classes, the importance of rest is stressed right? So, really, by napping, you’re just looking out for your own physical and mental health. Don’t ask questions, just… just sleep.

You’re Welcome.

 

2) Know Your Skills:

Many people would say “well, he did it, so surely I can do it do right?”

Nah brahhhh.

Morpheus gif

 

Know what you’re good at. If writing is your thing, then procrastination on papers will work for you. If maths is yours, then that algebra homework due? Heh, that can be done during class babe. Don’t ever step out of your skills and try to do something you’re not good at last minute. You’re already tethering on failure. Don’t tip the boat.

Mario fail gif

3) Know your Body

I mean, you already took a nap right, so why do you need to know your body?

There’s a little word we (Trinidadians) like to call dropsy. It doesn’t matter when you take a nap, as long as you’re not a night person, chances are, you’ll fall asleep before all the fun, procrastination stuff starts happening… like midnight peanut butter binges, or mid morning song and dance sessions.

dance session gif

 

You may just be  a morning person, where you can wake up really early and concentrate better. If this is so, go strong sister!

Keep in mind, if you’re like me, the best ideas taunt you late at night. So knowing your body means knowing your brain also.

So what did we learn today?

Doing work on time…

ain't nobody got time for that

 

What other tips do you have on Procrastination? Share some in the comments below.

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#Thetruthis

Student Perceptions: Internationals vs. Americans.

This will revolutionize your way of thinking… Or at least you’ll smile.

 

Being an international student and studying in the U.S, there are obvious cultural differences. Now if you’re like me and someone asks you:

“Do you have to take a boat back to your country?”

You’d render tit for tat holding your heart dramatically and telling them “Oh no sweetie! I take a flight to Miami, a boat from there to Jamaica and them swim on over to my country.”

Of course…. this may be seen as rude. Like it’s not rude to ask internationals if they all live in tree houses. Or perhaps, “guuuuurl, y’all have streets there?”  Or… OR “how come y’all don’t look alike if you’re from the same country?”

 

no baby no gif

Yes…. yes they did.

 

Well chances are, if you were to quip back with some stereotypes of Americans (like the standard of education, or the hella expensive health care….. Yeah, if I broke my sphincter, DO NOT CALL THE AMBULANCE. Seriously), friends may just laugh or tell you shut up, but others may just be like “Why does y’all immigrants hate ‘Mericans?”

Or my personal favorite: “This is America, Speak English!”

English is the only language I know, just… by the way.

Talk about your double standard right? So, here’s some things to remember when dealing with perceptions before battling it out like gladiators.

nerd fight gif

 

1) One idiot does not represent the country’s cross section.

Keep in mind, every country has idiots. My theory is, there’s a special germ out there, it attacks the weak minded.

So before you get your panties in a bunch by someone asking you if your country  still has slaves, and before you push them down a flight of stairs and get deported for battery…

hell no gif

 

Remember it’s just one little old idiot.

 

2) Media is a hell of a thing.

Now now, I feel bad for the Africans at my University because every bad, third world statistic is quoted about that continent. “Oh, oh hey, statistics say that in Africa, 3 out of every 4 children have never tasted food”

not fair gif

And while I’m semi-aware of it’s problems, every country has its own set of problems to deal with. I’m all for charity and volunteering, but seriously, thanks for neglecting to point out any positives of a whole continent.

TV perpetuates this. Movies, advertisements, pictures. What else could the average American think if this is what they were fed?

 

3) Good intentions

Many times, after the initial set of stupid questions (yes, there is such a thing), the same people are actually pretty interested in knowing cultural differences. Chances are, if you gave them some of your country’s food, they would try it, or try some cultural garb in your closet- a dashiki or a sari.

Underneath the lack of knowledge and the perceived idiotic ways, there may actually be a good heart.

If you’re like me, you’d crush it before finding out, BUT, sometimes in finding out, you’d make a really good friend.

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Or they’ll just think you’re cute because of your sexy accent.

 

mental self 5 gif

 

#youmadbro?

As usual, drop a comment below and let me know your views!

How to shut a guy down/ Avoiding Small Talk

So, one of my friends gave me this idea surprisingly, since he never has good ideas. So here it is….

Avoiding small talk.

For those in the dark, “small talk” can be defined as useless or unwanted conversation.

So to that guy who came up to me in the caf and said “So, you’re gonna give me your Superman T-shirt? Cuz I want it,”  PISS. OFF.

You know who you are.

From my experience, and I’ve have a lot of good experience in avoiding unnecessary conversation, here are 4 tips to avoid the blabber-er.

Flirting Gif

1) HEADPHONES.

I cannot stress this enough. Headphones not only expels outside noise, but it keeps the lurkers in check. And if a straggler ever tries to step to you while you have headphones on, like my Superman creeper, just point to your ears and keep it moving.

Headphones GIF

2) The Beastface.

This is also known as The Not Interested face. This is when you wipe all semblance of friendliness from your face, leaving only a “I wish a n**** would” look in its stead. Now, be aware ladies, that this only works sometimes. Sometimes there are the rare men who like this look and will keep bothering you.

mean face Gif

3)The Unarguable Excuse.

First, know that once you start a conversation with the small talk-ers, it’s extremely hard to shake them off. Some viable excuses, however unbelievable, are:

“I have a boyfriend”

“Hold a minute, let me make my Std appointment,”

“My girlfriend is right over there and she won’t be happy,”

or just the simple, but effective:    “I’m a man.”

Get creative ladies!

I'm a Man Gif

4) The Walk-Away.

This is by far the rudest one. Which is also the funniest. So that guy is approaching you or may have already approached you, and he is trying to talk to you.

Simply walk away from him. Now, there are 2 ways to do this. Either the known walk away, or the unknown. This simply means you can either pretend you did not notice him trying to talk to you, or you can make your intentions blatantly clear.

 walking away gif

 

Danger: Please ensure that you don’t trip and fall to the ground as you walk away. No matter how creepy the guy may have been, you’ll end up looking worse.

 

Falling gif

How do YOU avoid Small Talk? Comment and tell me!

#thetruthhurts

I tried to be nice, I really did. Then I realized it wasn’t me

Now now, nobody likes a douche. That’s what they say, but chances are, if there’s truth to your douche-iness, there can be no denying what you’re saying.

Ever had someone tell you “have some tact?” Yeah, well, this girl has been told that almost more times than I fake laughed when everyone makes THE joke about my last name.

“Oh, Payne? As in ‘pain-in-the-butt’?”

*Gags*

Tact is needed here and there, but it doesn’t negate the fact that someone needs to keep it real. So for all the optimists out there floating around on your little balloons, we’re here to pop them.

#thetruthis

#thetruthhurts

#youmadbro?