So it’s that time of the year again: when schools decide to revolt against the student population and gain revenge for all our insubordination over the past few months.
Someone somewhere is having an evil laugh as he repays us for walking on the well-manicured grass, or missing that 8:00 AM class for like 4 weeks in a row, or even, for messing up that caf table after someone just cleaned it.
This is…. Sparta.
Who will survive?
Well, here are some simple tips on how to NOT die during final exams. P.s- these are not 100% foolproof. If you die, don’t sue.
1) Monitor your eating
If you’re like me, you stress eat during final exams. Fruits and veggies? Not the most readily available, so you grab the cheetos and the chips, the chocolate and the candy. These foods calm your nerves while fattening your arteries.
You’ll probably die soon if you keep it up.
2) Do a relaxing activity.
By this, I do not mean like overdosing on alcohol or drugs. Cuz then you’ll have to go to the hospital and miss your exams (which in hindsight sounds quite OK…. but it’s not! I promise it’s not….), and then you’ll owe the hospital thousands of dollars, have to drop out of school and sell your body, then probably hit on a police officer, go to jail and we all know what happens in jail……………………
No internet. *Oh the Horror!*
But by relaxing, I mean, go play a sport for fun with your friends- a volleyball game or basketball. Perhaps, go for ice-cream at Haagen Dazs… *dribbles,* or, go watch a movie. Take a small break from studying and do something to keep the stress at bay.
3) Sleep Well.
This is the season of all-nighters. And because of this, we tend to not catch up on those 8 hours we missed, and then sleepiness kicks in during the exam (Cruel fate!).
I’m sure statistics somewhere show that if you don’t sleep, you die.
So to avoid this, sleep.
It is that simple.
4) Load up on excuses
If stress doesn’t kill you, your parents probably will.
So if you want to outlive the wrath of your parents for those horrific grades you know you’re going to make, better load up on excuses.
Research excuses for this time of year. We all know the grades probably not going to be up to par, and parents are probably GONNA ask you how you did. Now, I’m not advocating lying, as much as I’m advocating outwitting. Everyone has a piece of lawyer in them (This should especially be easy for law students).
“Unfortunately mother, my professor bombarded me with information that I didn’t see in my 24 hours of studying for this class. Due to this conundrum, I was unable to attain a valid grade in this drastically unfortunate class”
“Ma! Everyone failed, and you know if everyone failed, it CAN’T be our fault……. ”
Final exams is about survival of the smartest, but it doesn’t necessarily mean book-smarts. Get with these street-smarts and live long and…… well….. you’re probably not gonna prosper.
Especially since you’re on the internet now instead of studying!
That is all.
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All the best!