Tag Archives: Laugh

How to Tell if You’re Ratchet

There are two simple steps to becoming ratchet:

1) Turn off your ability to be ashamed

2) Watch more reality TV

In any order.

These days, the word “ratchet” is being thrown about quite often, and some people are confused… What is this ratchet, they think to themselves, and is they contagious?

The truth about the matter is no one really thinks they are ratchet. They see other people and are positive they have identified the personification of ratchet, but refuse to see themselves as a part of the team.

So how do you go about identifying ratchet people or ensuring that you stay out of that subset of people?

Maybe you thought only black people were ratchet?

nope

1) First, realize that ratchet-ness transcends skin color. People can be white and ratchet, yellow (shout out to my ratchet Asian friend), team lightandbrightskinned or team nubianqueen and ratchet.

2) Look at their/ your hash tags or names on social media. This includes twitter names, IG names and facebook pseudonyms.

All of these are probably ratchet:

Most or All members of #twerkteam

Gazabarbie Willtakeyourman” on FB

ANYONE who drops that dun tha dun.

Miley Cyrus.

But don’t take my word for it…

ratchet name good

blog ratchet

blog ratchet girl

really ratch

3) In many places, 1 in 5 people are probably ratchet, but there are the few places where 5 in 5 people are ratchet. If you are in one of these places where there’s ratchet everywhere, and your grandma is ratchet too, you might wanna move.

4) Remember that everyone’s definition of ratchet is is different.

To some, ratchet is:

ratchet hair

To others. it consists of:

ratchet fighting

Or

ratchet bieber

Find out what your definition is, the definitions of the people around you, and urban dictionary’s definitions, and avoid them at all costs.

Perhaps everyone has the ability to get a little ratchet at times. But, as long as you don’t act like you’re on reality TV  you can be sure you are at the bottom of the ratchet spectrum.

*You’re welcome*

she ratchet

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How to shut a guy down/ Avoiding Small Talk

So, one of my friends gave me this idea surprisingly, since he never has good ideas. So here it is….

Avoiding small talk.

For those in the dark, “small talk” can be defined as useless or unwanted conversation.

So to that guy who came up to me in the caf and said “So, you’re gonna give me your Superman T-shirt? Cuz I want it,”  PISS. OFF.

You know who you are.

From my experience, and I’ve have a lot of good experience in avoiding unnecessary conversation, here are 4 tips to avoid the blabber-er.

Flirting Gif

1) HEADPHONES.

I cannot stress this enough. Headphones not only expels outside noise, but it keeps the lurkers in check. And if a straggler ever tries to step to you while you have headphones on, like my Superman creeper, just point to your ears and keep it moving.

Headphones GIF

2) The Beastface.

This is also known as The Not Interested face. This is when you wipe all semblance of friendliness from your face, leaving only a “I wish a n**** would” look in its stead. Now, be aware ladies, that this only works sometimes. Sometimes there are the rare men who like this look and will keep bothering you.

mean face Gif

3)The Unarguable Excuse.

First, know that once you start a conversation with the small talk-ers, it’s extremely hard to shake them off. Some viable excuses, however unbelievable, are:

“I have a boyfriend”

“Hold a minute, let me make my Std appointment,”

“My girlfriend is right over there and she won’t be happy,”

or just the simple, but effective:    “I’m a man.”

Get creative ladies!

I'm a Man Gif

4) The Walk-Away.

This is by far the rudest one. Which is also the funniest. So that guy is approaching you or may have already approached you, and he is trying to talk to you.

Simply walk away from him. Now, there are 2 ways to do this. Either the known walk away, or the unknown. This simply means you can either pretend you did not notice him trying to talk to you, or you can make your intentions blatantly clear.

 walking away gif

 

Danger: Please ensure that you don’t trip and fall to the ground as you walk away. No matter how creepy the guy may have been, you’ll end up looking worse.

 

Falling gif

How do YOU avoid Small Talk? Comment and tell me!

#thetruthhurts